All children involved in bullying—whether they are bullied, bully others, or see bullying happen—can be affected. It is important to support all children involved to make sure the bullying doesn’t continue and effects can be minimized.
Support Children Who are Bullied
Listen and focus on the child. Learn what’s been going on and show you want to help. Create a space that is safe for them to share.
Assure the child that bullying is not their fault.
Know that children who are bullied may struggle with talking about it. Consider referring them to a school counselor, social worker or other mental health professional.
Learn about what to do. This may involve helping a child think about how they might respond if the bullying happens again.
Work together to resolve the situation and protect the child. The child, parents, caregivers and school or organization may all have valuable input. It may help to:
- Ask the child being bullied what can be done to make him or her feel safe. Remember that changes to routine should be minimized. He or she is not at fault and should not be singled out. For example, consider rearranging classroom or bus seating plans for everyone. If bigger moves are necessary, such as switching classrooms or bus routes, the child who is bullied should not be forced to change.
- Develop a game plan. Maintain open communication between schools, organizations, and parents/caregivers. Discuss the steps that are taken and the limitations around what can be done based on policies and laws. Remember, the law does not allow school personnel to discuss discipline, consequences, or services given to other children.
Be persistent. Follow up and follow through. Bullying may not end overnight. Because bullying is behavior that repeats or has the potential to be repeated, it takes consistent effort to ensure that it stops. Show a commitment to making it stop and consistently support the child being bullied.
Avoid these mistakes:
- Never tell the child to ignore the bullying.
- Do not blame the child for being bullied. Regardless of the situation, bullying is never acceptable.
- Do not tell the child to physically fight back against the child who is bullying. It could get the child hurt, suspended, or expelled.
Parents and caregivers should resist the urge to contact the other parents and caregivers involved. It may make matters worse. School or other officials can act as mediators between parents and caregivers.
Address Bullying Behavior
Parents, caregivers, school staff, organizations, and communities all have a role to play.
Make sure the child who is exhibiting bullying behaviors understands what the problem behavior is. Young people who bully must learn their behavior is harmful to others.
Show children that bullying is taken seriously. Calmly tell the child that bullying will not be tolerated. Model respectful behavior when addressing the problem.
Work with the child to support them to help address the bullying behavior. For example:
- Children may bully to fit in. These children can benefit from participating in positive activities. Activities like sports, clubs, and hobbies can help children develop skills like respect, communication, trust, and teamwork. With structure and a safe environment to practice these skills, children can learn to develop healthy relationships.
- Children may act out because something else—issues at home, abuse, stress—is going on in their lives.
- Children who bully may have been bullied themselves. These children may be in need of additional support, such as mental health services.
Use responses that teach. Approaches that promote learning or help build empathy can reduce future bullying. School staff should remember to follow the guidelines in their student code of conduct and other policies when determining appropriate actions and assigning discipline. For example, the child who bullied can:
- Lead a class discussion about how to be a good friend.
- Write a story about the effects of bullying or benefits of teamwork.
- Role-play a scenario or make a presentation about the importance of respecting others, the negative effects of gossip, or how to cooperate.
- Make posters for the school about the dangers of cyberbullying and how to be smart, safe, and respectful online.
Involve the child who bullied in making amends or repairing the situation. The goal is to help them see how their actions affect others. For example, the child can:
- Write a letter apologizing to the student who was bullied.
- Do a good deed for the person who was bullied or for others in the community.
- Clean up, repair, or pay for any property they damaged.
Avoid strategies that don’t work or have negative consequences.
- Zero tolerance or “three strikes, you’re out” strategies don’t work. Suspending or expelling students who bully does not reduce bullying behavior. Students and teachers may be less likely to report and address bullying if suspension or expulsion is the consequence.
- Conflict resolution and peer mediation don’t work for bullying. Bullying is not a conflict between people of equal power who share equal blame. Forcing children who have been bullied to face those who have bullied them may further upset the child.
- Group treatment for students who bully doesn’t work. Group members tend to reinforce bullying behavior in each other.
Follow-up and follow through. After the bullying issue is resolved, continue finding ways to help the child who bullied to understand how what they do affects other people. For example, praise acts of kindness or talk about what it means to be a good friend.
Support Bystanders Who See Bullying
Even if children are not bullied or bullying others, they can be affected by bullying. Many times, when children see bullying, they may not know what to do to stop it. They may not feel safe to intervene in the moment, but there are many other steps they can take.
Children should have a trusted adult who they can turn to when they experience or see bullying.
Schools should ensure that they provide appropriate resources, supports, and resolution. There are a number of ways that schools can support their students who have witnessed bullying behavior.
- Adults can learn how to support bystanders and help them to become upstanders.
- Trainings can equip staff with the skills to identify signs of stress or harm resulting from witnessing or experiencing bullying. They can also help prepare trusted adults with how to respond when children come to them with worries or concerns related to what they saw.
- School-wide awareness campaigns can be used to communicate expectations.